16 Things Calvin and Hobbes Said Better Than Anyone Else:
- On life’s constant little limitations:
- Calvin: You know, Hobbes, some days even my lucky rocket ship underpants don’t help.
- On expectations:
- Calvin: Everybody seeks happiness! Not me, though! That’s the difference between me and the rest of the world. Happiness isn’t good enough for me! I demand euphoria!
- On why we are scared of the dark:
- Calvin: I think night time is dark so you can imagine your fears with less distraction.
- On the unspoken truth behind the education system:
- Calvin: As you can see, I have memorized this utterly useless piece of information long enough to pass a test question. I now intend to forget it forever. You’ve taught me nothing except how to cynically manipulate the system. Congratulations.
- On the cruel reality of commercial art:
- Hobbes: Van Gogh would’ve sold more than one painting if he’d put tigers in them.
- On the tragedy of hipsters:
- Calvin: The world bores you when you’re cool.
- On the tears of a clown:
- Calvin: Isn’t it strange that evolution would give us a sense of humour? When you think about it, it’s weird that we have a physiological response to absurdity. We laugh at nonsense. We like it. We think it’s funny. Don’t you think it’s odd that we appreciate absurdity? Why would we develop that way? How does it benefit us?
- Hobbes: I suppose if we couldn’t laugh at things that don’t make sense, we couldn’t react to a lot of life.
- Calvin: (after a long pause) I can’t tell if that’s funny or really scary.
- On the falling of sparrows (or providence’s lack of a timetable):
- Calvin: Life is full of surprises, but never when you need one.
- On why winter is the cruellest of seasons:
- Calvin: Getting an inch of snow is like winning 10 cents in the lottery.
- On the gaping hole in contemporary art’s soul:
- Calvin: People always make the mistake of thinking art is created for them. But really, art is a private language for sophisticates to congratulate themselves on their superiority to the rest of the world. As my artist’s statement explains, my work is utterly incomprehensible and is therefore full of deep significance.
- On playing Frankenstein with words:
- Calvin: Verbing weirds language.
- On realising God is more Woody Allen than Michael Bay:
- Calvin: They say the world is a stage. But obviously the play is unrehearsed and everybody is ad-libbing his lines.
- Hobbes: Maybe that’s why it’s hard to tell if we’re living in a tragedy or a farce.
- Calvin: We need more special effects and dance numbers.
- On why ET is real:
- Calvin: Sometimes I think the surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that none of it has tried to contact us.
- On looking yourself in the mirror:
- Hobbes: So the secret to good self-esteem is to lower your expectations to the point where they’re already met?
- On the future:
- Calvin: Trick or treat!
- Adult: Where’s your costume? What are you supposed to be?
- Calvin: I’m yet another resource-consuming kid in an overpopulated planet, raised to an alarming extent by Madison Avenue and Hollywood, poised with my cynical and alienated peers to take over the world when you’re old and weak. Am I scary, or what?
- On the truth:
- Calvin: It’s a magical world, Hobbes, ol’ buddy…Let’s go exploring!
Once upon a dim stage dreary, while I twirled, weak and weary; Under many quaint and curious gaze’s of voyeurs wanting more; While I spun round, nearly falling, suddenly there came a calling; The voice of which was quite appalling, appalling and it screamed out “WHORE”; Tis’ some drunkard, I muttered, screaming out the insult “WHORE”; Only this and nothing more.
Why did I not reblog this last night omg.
“Someone should write a book where the main character slowly falls in love with the reader.”
Last line of the book : “Please, don’t close the book, I don’t want to die”
oh my god
I’d just like, keep the book open and tape it to a wall.
I’m almost afraid to want it.
John Green, we’re waiting.
“So I guess this is it, isn’t it? There are no more chapters, right? You said we were getting close and that was a while ago.”
I stared up into the sky, it was the same old sky there had always been, except for some rainclouds that hadn’t been there a few minutes ago. It wasn’t raining, but they were still floating up there, grey and dismal.
You begin to ask me something.
“Don’t ask me how I know, I just do. Things just feel really final right now, like the downward slope is starting to level out. Eventually… We’ll hit the back cover, right?”
I sat down on a bench- had that been there a few minutes ago? It was hard to tell.
“Did you say yes? I think I heard you. Your voice keeps getting harder to hear.”
Thunder rumbled, but… It wasn’t like the thunder I’m used to. It sounded like you, and it sounded sad. From one of the clouds, a single drop of rain fell on the grainy wood of the bench.
“… You’re crying, aren’t you? I’m sorry, I’m really sorry. I wish I could change this. I wish I could reach where you are.”
Thunder rolled again, and behind it was a voice. Your voice.
“Me? I’ll be fine, I think. I don’t know if this has ever happened before. I don’t really know what happens when you… close the book.”
You ask me if I’m afraid.
And oddly, I’m not.
“No, actually. Because… Whatever happens to me when you close the cover… You can always open the book up again, right?” and that’s when the answer hits me, the realization jolting me to stand again. “That’s it, isn’t it? You can open it back up. The words won’t change, but I’ll still be here. You can meet me all over again, and I can meet you, and everything we have will come back.”
It’s raining now, and the clouds have merged together, and in them, for the first time… I see you.
You are the most beautiful person I have ever seen in my entire life.
You’re crying, but it’s quiet, and maybe that was the sound of your tears hitting paper.
I realize that we don’t have a lot of time.
“Listen- before it’s all over- I want you to know that everything, all of this… Even being over, it was worth it. It was worth it to meet you, to get to know you. Even if when you close that cover and I disappear- it was all worth it. I love you.”
You love me too, I know it, I can feel it, just like for a moment I can feel what it would be like to hold your hand.
There is a very long pause, and I realize you’re prolonging what has to happen.
“You can do it.”
For the first time, you have to be the hero. You have to close the book so we can keep going. And I believe in you.
The sky gets darker, slowly, but then it gets light again, and your face is still up in those clouds. You open your mouth and for the first time I HEAR you, not just feel what you’re saying or understand you in my own head, your voice comes through the pages in your world and into the reality of mine, and it reverberates and I can hear every little nuance, down to the hitch from you crying.
“I’ll never forget you,” you say. “I’ll come back soon.”
SOMEONE DID AND NOW IM EMOTIONAL
“I love you.” She whispered softly closing the book. Her fantasy must end and he must die with it no matter how great their love. Tears fell from her eyes, landing upon the hard worn cover of her most beloved book. The book in which lied the love of her life. The book that loved her back. She ached to open it again but she could not continue like this. She must move on and live a life not in her precious book. Sobs racked her body as she walked to the self, hesitantly sliding her beloved book into the shelf. It was only for a time, she told herself. That she would come back again and read the story of her love again and that she may fall in love again. Whipping her eyes she turned toward the door, but froze in her tracks. A man stood there, concern lining his every feature. She knew that face. It was exactly as she had pictured it, from every line of his jaw to the exact color of his eyes. This can’t be possible.
“Why are you crying?” Oh, his voice. That was his voice. It was as soothing as she had imagined. Her knees grew week and her mind went numb. She struggled for words as he approached her slowly, he knelt before her and touched her cheek, worry etched in his gentle movement. “What’s wrong? Has something happened?”
She could only choke out, “You’re real?”
FUCK IT GOT BETTER
THIS IS WHY TUMBLR BEATS ALL
IT GOT BETTER OH MY GOD
IT GO SO MUCH BETTER HOLY SHIT I CANT
THAT WASN’T COOL TUMBLR
everyone stop posting
this is the audio post to rule them all
ITS PERFECTLY IN SYNCH TOO
god damn it
I want this song. Anybody know where I can find it?
Full band cover of the Adventure Time song “I’m Just Your Problem”, originally composed by Rebecca Sugar for the character of Marceline, re-done in a radio-friendly gothic metal kind of style. Vocals by Nicole Vaquerano. Guitar solo by Carlos (youtube.com/KarlosRock92).
SO … GOOOOOD.
I NEEDED TO BRING THIS BACK OKAY